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Couples on the Brink: When Is Enough Enough?

We’ve all encountered couples for whom therapy is a last-ditch attempt before calling it quits. But how do we, as therapists, decide whether to throw our weight behind the relationship or let it end? This session explores the impact our own values, childhood experiences, and old family roles have on how we help couples answer this momentous question. Through case histories and discussion, you’ll focus on:
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Information

Faculty:
Terry Real
Duration:
3 Hours 35 Minutes
Format:
Audio and Video
Copyright:
Mar 24, 2017

Description

We’ve all encountered couples for whom therapy is a last-ditch attempt before calling it quits. But how do we, as therapists, decide whether to throw our weight behind the relationship or let it end? This session explores the impact our own values, childhood experiences, and old family roles have on how we help couples answer this momentous question. Through case histories and discussion, you’ll focus on:

  • How to quickly get to the heart of the matter and articulate the couple’s stuckness, then reawaken warmth and closeness, helping them remember love and back off the ledge if possible
  • What to do when one partner is ambivalent about the relationship and clearly disengaged from therapy
  • What to do when your own deal breakers, such as physical or psychological abuse, are part of the couple’s history

How to proceed when addiction issues cloud the viability of the relationship’s future or when there’s been betrayal or infidelity

 

Handouts

Outline

  1. Course of Treatment
    1. Step One
      1. Join with the Most Distant Partner
      2. Partners’ Positions Translate into Their Unique Dance
      3. Dance as the System Needing Treatment

 

  1. Join Through the Therapist’s “Truth”
    1. Confront the stable partner
    2. Preconditions for Intimacy
    3. Form alliances with each partner
    4. Step Two
      1. Negotiate a 3-4 Month Contract
      2. Base this on 180 degree Turnaround in Stable Partner
    5. Step Three
      1. Produce Palpable Change in the Stable Partner
  2. Three Phases of Treatment
    1. Waking Up
    2. Inner Child Work
    3. Learned Connection
  3. Using Therapeutic Intimacy
    1. Creating Alliance
    2. Appropriate Self Disclosure
    3. Working with Grandiosity
  4. Intimacy as a Spiritual Practice
    1. First and Second Consciousness
    2. Adaptive Child vs Functional Adult
    3. How Couples Mutually Trigger Their Positions
  5. Relational Recovery
    1. How to Bring the Functional Adult into Relationship
    2. Bottom Up and Top Down Healing
  6. Five Losing Strategies of The Adaptive Child
    1. Process of Harmony, Disharmony, and Repair
    2. Being Right, Controlling the Partner, Unbridled Self-Expression
    3. Retaliation, and Withdrawal
  7. The Relational Grid
    1. Self-esteem
    2. Grandiosity and Toxic Shame
    3. Full-Respect Living
    4. Boundaries
    5. Letter to the Adaptive Child
    6. How to Go After What You Want
    7. Improving Communication
  8. The Feedback Wheel
    1. Acknowledgement
    2. Experience
    3. Imaginings
    4. Feelings
    5. Desires
    6. Listening and Responding
    7. Teach the Couple to Hold Reality Lightly
    8. Develop Curiosity
    9. Respond with Generosity
    10. Cherish What You Have

Faculty

Terry Real, LICSW Related seminars and products: 7

Private Practice


Terry Real, LICSW, is an Internationally Recognized Family Therapist, Speaker and Author. Terry founded the Relational Life Institute (RLI), offering workshops for couples, individuals and parents around the country along with a professional training program for clinicians wanting to learn his RLT (Relational Life Therapy) methodology.

A family therapist and teacher for more than 25 years, Terry is the best-selling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression (Scribner), the straight-talking How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women (Scribner), and most recently The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Make Love Work (Random House). Terry knows how to lead couples on a step-by-step journey to greater intimacy – and greater personal fulfillment.

A senior faculty member of the Family Institute of Cambridge in Massachusetts and a retired Clinical Fellow of the Meadows Institute in Arizona, Terry has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and fellow therapists. Through his books, the Institute, and workshops around the country, Terry helps women and men, parents and non-parents, to help them create the connection they desire in their relationships.

Terry’s work, with its rigorous commonsense approach, speaks to both men and women. His ideas on men’s issues and on couple’s therapy have been celebrated in venues from “Good Morning America”, “The Today Show” and “20/20”, to “Oprah” and The New York Times.

A proponent of “full-throttle marriage,” as described in The New Rules of Marriage, Terry has been called “the most innovative voice in thinking about and treating men and their relationships in the world today.”

The New York Times book review described Terry’s work as: “A critical contribution to feminist psychology (that) brings the Men’s movement a significant step forward.” Robert Bly hailed it as “moving onto new ground in both story and song. Exhilarating in its honesty.”

Terry’s Relational Life Institute grew out of his extensive and empathic experience. He teaches people how to make their relationships work by providing products and services designed to teach the principles of Relational Life™, so that everyone can enjoy full respect living and craft a healthy life legacy.​

Speaker Disclosures:
Financial: Terry Real is in private practice. He receives a speaking honorarium from PESI, Inc.

Non-financial: Terry Real has no relevant non-financial relationship to disclose.